Rut

I feel like life is just a rut that we all go through. The feeling has magnified somewhat since my best friend just broke up with the love of her life. He cheated. Good riddance. Now, we are both in a rut together, so it's not as bad. Is it good that Im alright with the fact that she's not as happy? Watching the two of them...invest in each other, listening to how she would fawn over him, as if all of my dreams were fulfilled by her, Im not ashamed to admit that I was jealous. But now, we are hanging out more, and I feel...oddly equal to her. I think the worst part is that I don't feel bad about my complacency. We are best friends. We have fun together, and now we are at the same stages again. Is happiness a zero sum game? I never thought it was. People meet, people are happy; good moods spread. But in this case, the fact that she was overly happy made me overly sad. Now, we seem even again. Ok, writing that made me feel like a horrible human being. (Note to self, I do have morals and feelings. This makes me feel happy. There I go again...feeling.)

Anyway, we are in a rut together. But, I'm good with this. It's better then being in a rut alone. Can it really be a rut if you're ok with being in it?

Ok, this is a horrible post. Too many questions, too self-indulging, and no story telling to boot. But what do I care, no one reads this.

I'll make it up to you, I swear. Maybe if someone actually reads this and comments, I will tell you about Josh, the man who is the sum of my physical interaction with men, or anyone for that matter...